Just recently while having a discussion with some amazing women, one of the ladies announced that she was single and she absolutely hate it. Although she loves her life, she despises the hard time she is having trying to find a decent guy to date. Most days it’s all she thinks about, the dreaded fear of dying an old maid. She goes on to say when she does eventually go on a date, almost immediately she realizes they are not a match. He’s either too bossy or too passive; too arrogant or not cultured enough; too clingy and the list went on. Then she casually mentions her exceptionally high standards and list of rules on how she expects a man to date her. As she continued talking I notice all the ladies are nodding their heads in agreeance. Some even nodding with their eyes close as if they were somberly recalling their last horrible date. My heart went out to her and the rest of the ladies. I sat in silence, listening to her frustrations; knowing there are a lot of single women who feel the same way. However, I also know that among those women many are not able to admit their flaws in their dating process. So I began to share my two cents on the matter.
I have a different take on the concept of thinking the reason you are not able to successfully date a decent guy lies solely on the person you’re dating. Before you start blaming the men you had these bad dates with, please remember there’s always one constant denominator on those dates; and that denominator is you my sweet sister in singlehood. May I suggest you start with some self-evaluation to help figure out why you attract the kind of men that have crossed your path. More importantly, make sure you measure up to all those standards you have in place for the guys you’re dating. I can’t believe anything you say if you claim you want a man who treats his mother like a queen, but you don’t even speak to yours anymore because “y’all don’t see eye to eye”. Or better yet, wanting a praying man, but you don’t even pray over your food before you eat it.
We as woman need to be real with ourselves when it comes to our dating lives; starting with the hard questions: Is the person you portray to the world the same person you are at home, alone, where there is no one to impress? Is your real personality going on these dates or is it a representative disguised as you whose dinner conversation resembles a corporate interview?
Far too often, women mentally draw up their expectations of their perfect man and then strike the guy out for not meeting each checkpoint. Dating is learning about the other party involved; understanding that the person you are learning about has a story of their own, standards of their own, and a personality of their own. Now let me be very clear, I am not saying there are not some bossy, arrogant, clingy men in this world; lurking and multiplying like bunnies in heat. What I am saying is that I do know that as women we attract the kind of men that matches the person we portray; which makes self-evaluation so important. For example, if you have met most of your dates while socializing, through friends, or on-line dating/networks, take a moment to step back and evaluate those areas of your life. Does your night-life social scene consist of the type of men that match who you see yourself dating? Do your friends really know you well enough to actually hook you up with the man of your dreams? Does your on-line images coincide with the real you and not your photo-shopped representative? Once you start asking yourself the hard questions followed by real unedited answers, I believe the desire to change some old bad habits will be inevitable. Once you’ve change those old habits, start aligning yourself with positive experiences and new adventures. Just remain cute while discovering your new world, because you never know when you are going to run into that ideal man for you.